Sometimes the revelations from this year of recovery is just too much to handle.
Thus far, this week, I have discovered that I am a woman who loves too much and has a jealousy problem. The flaws feel insurmountable sometimes! Like there's no real chance that I am going to have a healthy, balanced relationship EVER. And it's going to be due, mostly, to my downfalls.
Eeeeeeeekk.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
The Break
Sometimes I feel worse after I talk to him.
Starting yesterday, I have a 12 day break from the couple we have fallen into. I'm a bit sad and apprehensive, not to be by myself, but more so how the time is going to pass. Wishing this time away would be a shame, but somehow the days seem less full without him.
The upsetting moment this morning was after talking to him about his previous day, and feeling like he didn't miss me at all. Wouldn't someone in love miss me if I wasn't there to share in the fun things with him? I don't know. I am also hyper sensitive and everyone needs time apart, which is a healthy thing.
When these emotions well up I feel like I need to choose. Is it worth it? Cut it off. Shut down. Don't expose yourself and your fears to someone else. That way if something goes wrong the un-attachment will be easier. If he's not what I want then f* him, move on. I get upset sometimes when he doesn't act or say what I want, but that's unrealistic on my part. I am very afraid to be hurt again, but what is the risk of love without hurt?
(1 hour later)
He called and made everything okay with one little sentence.
*sigh* boys
Starting yesterday, I have a 12 day break from the couple we have fallen into. I'm a bit sad and apprehensive, not to be by myself, but more so how the time is going to pass. Wishing this time away would be a shame, but somehow the days seem less full without him.
The upsetting moment this morning was after talking to him about his previous day, and feeling like he didn't miss me at all. Wouldn't someone in love miss me if I wasn't there to share in the fun things with him? I don't know. I am also hyper sensitive and everyone needs time apart, which is a healthy thing.
When these emotions well up I feel like I need to choose. Is it worth it? Cut it off. Shut down. Don't expose yourself and your fears to someone else. That way if something goes wrong the un-attachment will be easier. If he's not what I want then f* him, move on. I get upset sometimes when he doesn't act or say what I want, but that's unrealistic on my part. I am very afraid to be hurt again, but what is the risk of love without hurt?
(1 hour later)
He called and made everything okay with one little sentence.
*sigh* boys
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