Take My Life From Me

Rejection.
Once again I am rejected. I knew it was only a matter of time. I was talking to God and I told him if I can't give my life to you then take it from me. I guess I got what I wanted whether I like it or not. Tonight, I was suppossed to be going out with Brian. But I guess its not going to happen now. Yesterday, he text-messaged me all night. Asking me what I was wearing, if he could come over, and after I said no, he wanted to meet me somewhere. I told him that I'll see him tomorrow and he text messaged back MAYBE. That really hurt and said a lot about his character. I texted back thats mean. He might have thought that I was out with another guy and thats why I said no, but there was no other guy. Whatever girl did him over, she did it good. He is so untrusting of females. He can trust me though. I am not one of those scandalous girls in Detroit. So if we did go out on date tonight, we would probably have done naughty things, cause I can not control myself when I am around him. So thats where God comes in to the picture. He has been there all along, but he is trying to save me, because I prayed for his grace. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I have fallen so far I do not know how to get back to where I was. I am hurt but not that hurt. More confused than anything. But luckily while I was writing this and feeling lonely, Spazz called me! God sent me an angel. We talked for like an hour. It was fun and it helped me get through the night. Why is it that I am attracted to him, and he some of the worst character traits. Its like I can't see past the good to see the bile that lies underneath, even when it comes to the surface. I mean how shady was it of him to make plans with me and then just disappear? Like I am not going to see him at work. But thats cool. I am just glad that I found out now before things got too serious. Thats what I want to believe thats how I really feel. While I am typing this I know I should believe that hes a jerk, but inside I am feeling something different. I think its because I want it to work out. In side I am thinking he was hurt that I did not meet him at Woodward Friday and thinks that I am playing games. So of course he responded the way he did. Its a sad, sad thing, this abyss of emotions. So today I am going to church and its a beautiful sunny day! Thanks God for your mercy. I am not worthy, but grateful.